Won't Judge You
by mon-petit-pois
Summary: "Her father had left her to die in Salim's Somailian hellhole.     Eli was never a father to her. But there was someone who had been. And his door was always unlocked," Post-Somalia, not Zibbs romance. Ziva is in need of consolation from her father figure
1. Chapter 1

A/N: this takes place the night after Ziva returns from Somalia. This is sort of my version of what I would have liked to happen between Ziva and Gibbs in their scene during Reunion.

Sorry to Zibbs fans, but this isn't Zibbs, just father/daughter relationship here.

Nope, don't own NCIS. But I soon will…. Ok maybe not but a girl can dream.

And to my TaHH readers, this is just something I thought of a 2 am this morning and I needed a break from TaHH, so I wrote it. At 0200 (see I'm so obsessed I've switched ALL of my clocks to military time lol) TaHH is still being continued. I actually am almost done with chapter 8…

She couldn't be alone tonight.

Too many nights she had spent alone, in that filthy cell, and the ones that she hadn't spent alone were more hell than the ones she had.

She needed someone to hold her, tell her everything would be ok. A shoulder to sigh on, wasn't that he expression?

No, it was a shoulder to _cry_ on.

Which, although she hates to admit it, even to herself, fits this situation a whole lot better than "sigh."

_"No!"_ she commanded herself. "Crying is a sign of weakness. Mossad operatives do not cry."

But the problem was, she didn't know who the hell she _was_ anymore. She was not Mossad, Mossad left her to die in Salim's Somalian hellhole.

Her _father_ had left her to die in Salim's Somalian hellhole.

His work came first, and she knew that. Work before family. His political ranking before his own flesh and blood.

Eli was never a father to her.

But there was someone who had been. And his door was always unlocked.

...

What was she doing here? She had no idea. Sure, just waltz right into his house and tell him... What? That she couldn't sleep? That would certainly make her look like a child who climbs into their parents' bed at night.

But he was Gibbs, and Gibbs had always been there for her. He had been there in that cell.

Sure, he had been a figment of her imagination, a hallucination when the dehydration had gotten the best of her, but he had been there all the same.

She might even owe him her sanity, as ironic as that sounds. By losing her mind, she had been saving her sanity? That made no sense whatsoever.

She was no longer in her car. She was walking up his front path, her legs carrying her toward the house. Her brain tried to come up with an excuse to stop, to reason with her muscles to stop, but they seemed to have a mind of their own.

Or just a heart.

She wanted, no _needed_ to talk to someone. Why Gibbs? Why not Tony, McGee, Abby, Ducky?

None of them were Gibbs.

None of them were her father figure.

By now she had opened the door, her heart completely overpowering her brain.

Her brain screamed at her that she was weak to need someone else's help, weak to feel the need to cry, and for once let down the walls that held back her emotions.

Her heart kindly told her that Gibbs loved her. That he cared about her, and that she would be accepted, even after everything she had done. After all, he had come along to avenge her. And ended up saving her.

Plus, after all she had been through this summer, she feels that she is entitled to a few tears.

And in the end, her heart wins. Her heart has for once tasted victory.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

He heard the front door open, and smiled to himself. It had taken her long enough to show up.

He heard her hesitate by the basement door. Eventually, she opened it. He didn't even look up from his work.

"You're late, Ziver." he said as she made her way down the stairs. He handed her a glass of bourbon he had poured for her an hour ago. She looked at him, puzzled.

"I wasn't aware I had an appointment Gibbs," she said, her statement sounding somewhat like a question. She took a sip of the bourbon and asked, "How did you know I was coming? I didn't even know I was coming until about twenty minutes ago." Gibbs smirked his infamous half-smile, and replied,

"My gut," He handed her a piece of sandpaper as she sat down the jar that held her bourbon. Ziva smiled a little. He knew her better than she knew herself. With each passing second, she became more and more confident that coming here wasn't a mistake. She did feel as though she owed him an explanation, even though she knew he knew her reasons for coming. Somehow just saying it makes her feel better. She is explaining it to herself more than she is to him.

"I... Did not want to be alone. I have missed the company of... My family. My real family. You, Tony, McGee, Abby, Ducky, even Palmer."

"Why not go to them, then?" Gibbs countered. He knew exactly why, but she needed to say this out loud, admit that she needed him, she needed to hear her own reasoning, so she could be completely confident that coming to him wasn't a mistake.

"My biological father left me for dead. My biological family, and Mossad, have all given up on me. They don't want me. I just want... Assurance... That I am wanted here, by my real family."

"We will always love you, Ziva. You will ALWAYS be wanted by us. We trust you.

But you need to trust us, Ziver. Let us in. Talk to us. Emotions are not a sign of weakness." At this, Ziva averted her eyes.

That was the problem. Her father had raised her on an set of rules quite different from Gibbs'.

1) trust NO ONE  
2) emotions are weakness: you must never let them show  
3) love does not exist. It is an illusion, an illusion that gets in the way of what is important. The Work

These rules continued on, all of the same idea. These rules contradicted everything Gibbs had just said. "We TRUST you." and "EMOTIONS are not a sign of weakness," and "Let us in," and, most importantly, "We will always LOVE you."

The Ziva David before Somalia would have left right then and there.

The new Ziva, the _changed _Ziva, was ready to give trust, emotion, and love a chance.

Gibbs used two fingers to bring her head up to look at him.

"You can open up, Ziva. You can tell me everything and anything, and I promise it will not leave this room."

That was not the problem. She couldn't tell Gibbs what had happened, she could not have him see her as the victim.

"I won't judge ya, Ziver," he added, his face sincere. He seemed to have read her mind, "I know you. Whatever you tell me, it will not change how see you."

"And how do you see me, Gibbs?" she asked.

"As my resilient daughter. As my funny, kick-ass field agent who teases and playfully flirts with my senior fiend agent. As my little girl." he states. His eyes are full of sincerity, love, compassion, and, well, Gibbs-ness. It is Ziva's melting point.

And all of her walls and emotional barriers melt away.

A/N: Sorry for any OOC's; I try my best to avoid them because they make stories unbelievable, but some are necessary to make this story work. I also apologize (I know, I breached rule #6 lol) for shortness, but i like the way this chapter ended. This will most likely be a 4 chapter story FYI.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I'm sorry I haven't uploaded in a while. Truth is, I have had this written for a while, and I forgot that I had uploaded it:( so here it is!

It started with a single tear. But after the one came out, there was no stopping the rest. Over thirty years of pent-up emotions came flowing out.

Gibbs sat down inside the frame of the boat, pulling her shaking frame into his arms.

He had never see her do this before. She was Ziva, the unbreakable ninja.

Not anymore.

Salim had broken her on the inside. She hadn't let anyone see this, and she held herself together fairly well.

But she had mostly been silent since they got back. She had said almost nothing on the way home, except a mumbled thanks when they gave her water. But she didn't have to thank them out loud. Her eyes said it all.

Gibbs' paternal side took over, and he stroked her hair as she cried into his shirt. She needed this.

All of her life she had worked hard to make sure that no one saw what she was really feeling. But she had to work especially hard to keep her feelings inside this summer, and it had finally become too much.

Ziva PoV

She could not believe that she was doing this. This went against everything she had been taught.

But really, she didn't care. She desperately needed this.

His arms were wrapped around her trembling torso. They were so strong and sturdy, and she suddenly felt like a little girl.

Or at least how she thinks little girls should feel in the arms of their fathers. She really had no way of knowing.

And despite everything, she felt content. His heartbeat was steady in her ear, and this was surprisingly comforting.

She felt safe for the first time in months.

Ziva had forgotten what a comforting touch felt like, after being deprived of any contact that wasn't cruel for what felt like years.

She buried her head in his chest and continued to entrust her heart to him.

Gibbs PoV

Soon, her sobs subsided and her breathing evened out. He leaned down and kissed her forehead.

He felt like he was holding Kelly. He knew that Ziva is a very different person than Kelly would have been, but it didn't matter to him. They were both his little girls.

It angered him that Salim had gotten off so easy, and also become a martyr. He wanted to make him suffer for what he had done to his family.

And look where that got him the last time.

After she had gathered herself together well enough, she sat up and looked at him, an apology in her eyes and starting to form on her lips.

"Do not apologize, Ziver. You should not be sorry. Plus, you know-" he began as he wiped away her excess tears.

"It is a sign of weakness. I am weak," she finished sadly as he handed her the glass of bourbon that she had long ago abandoned. She gratefully accepted it and let the liquid trickle down her throat.

"Ziva, you are NOT weak. You are the strongest person I know. That was not what I was going to say. I was going to say 'You know that I do not mind.'" he gave her hand a squeeze.

"I know you do not want to talk about it, Ziver. I understand that you probably do not want to talk about anything. You need to adjust. So I am not going to make you say anything. You do not need to tell me about it. Eventually you will want to talk, and I will be there." he assured her. This was probably the most she had ever heard him say at once. She rested her head on his shoulder and sipped her bourbon.

For a long time, they didn't talk. But the silence was not uncomfortable.

Eventually, Gibbs stood up to get more bourbon, and work on his boat. Ziva lay down on the inside of his boat frame, putting her hands behind her head and staring at the ceiling. The only noise was their gentle breathing and sound of the sandpaper against the wood, sanding with the grain. All three were completely on sync. Sand up, inhale. Sand down, exhale. Up, in. Down, out...


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: i'm sad, I did terrible at the writing competition:( it's cuz I have a time limit and I need time for my stories to b good. So ya I didnt do very well. And the prompts sucked. They were:

1) the giant: write about one that is not so fearsome.

2) the setting is a grocery store: fill on the characters and the plot.

3) Knowledge can be exciting! What did you learn at school today?

So ya they stunk, if u have time, tell me what YOU would have written about for them:) cuz I am genuinely curious.

I went home and decided to write more, cuz the more chapters I write the more reviews I get, and each review is a serious boost to my ego:) so tell me what you thought. This will be the last chapter:(

Disclaimer: I fired Bernie. He didn't seem to be able to follow instructions. I gave him til Monday to make NCIS _mine_, but he failed. I didn't pay him. So ya my master plan failed:( NCIS isn't mine. Boohoo.

He noticed that she had fallen asleep around 2340. Gibbs could see the REM. She was dreaming. He really hoped that it wasn't of Somalia.

'No, she is sleeping peacefully,' he reminded himself. But he must have jinxed it, because moments later, she started to become restless. A soft whimper escaped her lips. Gibbs was contemplating waking her up, and was just about to, when he dropped his hammer.

CLANG! It cluttered to the ground, and Ziva let out a cry that was halfway between a whimper and a scream, and her whole body convulsed.

She did not wake.

Gibbs ducked under the boat frame and gently shook her. She began to struggle.

"Ziver, C'mon, wake up. You are home," he prompted. She was now thrashing against his hold.

Gibbs wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, whispering words of encouragement into her ear. Slowly, she stopped fighting and surrendered herself to her comforting hold. She was still breathing heavily, and her eyes were closed, but Gibbs knew she was awake.

"I am sorry, Gibbs," she whispered, so low he couldn't be sure she had said it. He leaned down and kissed her temple.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" he murmured in her ear.

"I was back there again," she said simply. Gibbs knew this was all he would get out of her.

He leaned his back against the frame of the boat, rubbing his thumb in little comforting circles on her back. Ziva buried her face into his chest, breathing in his scent. Like sawdust, coffee beans, and a faint trace of bourbon.

They say that scent triggers memories more than any other sense. Burying her face into his shirt helped her remember happy things. This was how she fell asleep.

The nightmares would not bother her here. He was her own personal dreamcatcher.

Gibbs PoV

He could tell she was asleep when her breathing evened out. He noticed that all of her muscles relaxed.

He also noticed that she was smiling.

It wasn't much. The corners of her mouth were just barely turned up, but it was a smile, none the less. Boy had he missed her smile.

She looked so peaceful. Like a huge burden had been lifted off of her shoulders. Like she had been like Atlas, carrying the weight of the sky.

Well, if the sky were made up of her feelings, that just might be accurate.

Gibbs was amazed she had been able to stay silent in that camp. But all of the pain, hurt, and sadness had to be stored somewhere, if they hadn't been let out at the time they were insinuated.

Dams can only hold back so much water, just as Ziva can only hold back so much of her feelings. The Ziva's lake needed to be dredged, so that the dam doesn't just shatter.

And that was exactly what Ziva had been doing tonight.

Once Gibbs was sure she was deep in sleep, he lifted her up and carried her upstairs.

She was so light.

He was carrying her up the stairs when he felt something shift under her shirt. Feeling around, he realized she had a broken rib.

It had begun healing in the wrong way, and he realized he had just re-broke it. He heard her sharp intake of breath, but she was too deep in her much-needed sleep to wake just yet. When her breathing became regular again, he walked out of the basement and into his living room, setting her down with great care on the couch. He covered her in a blanket just as he had done for Kelly so many years ago.

Smiling to himself, he kissed her forehead and went to go change.

She woke to birds chirping and the bright sun in her eyes.

She was comfortable. She was far too comfortable for being tied to a chair in a cell in Africa.

And she was convinced that she was hallucinating.

But then the events of the past few days came back to her.

Being violently dragged from her cell.

Being thrown in a chair.

The bag being pulled off her head.

Seeing Tony.

Sensing McGee.

Tony making a fool of himself.

Gibbs killing Salim.

The plane ride home.

Going to Gibbs' house... 'Oh, no. Did I break down in front of him? Did I even go in?' she thought. But she could taste the remnants of bourbon in her mouth, and knew she had gone in. But she did not remember leaving.

Realizing this, she opened up in panic. She was on Gibbs couch, and the sun was nearly at the vertex of its daily parabolic path.

She had slept 'til noon? She never slept that long! She sat up, and gasped at she shooting pain in her chest. Her ribs.

Darn it.

Seeing a note on the coffee table beside her, she picked it up and read it.

_Ziver-_

_I am at work, please feel free to stay as long as you want. You have no apartment anyway, and you can stay here until you find one. _

_Don't worry about last night. I think nothing less of you. If anything, I am proud of you for opening up. _

_P.S. Go see a doctor. I think your rib is broken. That's an order, David, and I will know if you didn't go. Then come back here and sleep, you really need it._

Ziva sighed. She hadn't had any intention of going to a hospital, but she knew he was right, her rib was broken. And if she didn't have it taken care of, then it would heal the wrong way.

As annoyed as she was about Gibbs' order, she had to smile. It felt good to know that someone was there to watch her six, and to care about her. Someone that won't judge her, that would love her unconditionally. That only ever had her best interest at heart.

So she carefully stood up as to not hurt her already-damaged ribs, and walked out to her car and headed to the hospital. She trusted Gibbs.

Trust was a foreign feeling to her, but she was gradually becoming accustomed it.

Because she trusted Gibbs to catch her if she fell.

FIN

A/N: thank you so much for reading:) tell me what you think!


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